From the Midrash

A story from the Midrash.

Yosef was a poor man who spent all his money on Shabbat. He bought a giant fish right before Shabbat and was richly rewarded for his devotion to Shabbat

The father frequently staggered around in public, even collapsing in a drunken heap in the gutter. He became the object of mockery and ridicule.

“Just as your union began with feasting, let your parting of ways be similarly celebrated.”

Rav Anan had unwittingly caused an unjust verdict.

One Yom Kippur, Avner sent guards to the synagogue, ordering the Ramban to appear before him. In his palace, before the eyes of his former teacher and master, Avner slaughtered a pig, roasted it and ate it on this holiest of fast days.

The students broke into tears. Looking up, they noticed that Rabbi Akiva was laughing.

“One of us is a thief! My lord, I’d like for you to have each of us swear that he didn’t steal the money. That way we’ll find out which of us is the thief!”

Every Friday, before Shabbat, she would throw a burning coal into the oven, so that smoke would drift out of her chimney . . .

"What concern is it of yours?" the man retorted. "Am I not drilling under my own place?"

A man was travelling through the desert, hungry, thirsty, and tired, when he came upon a tree bearing luscious fruit and affording plenty of shade, underneath which ran a spring of water...

Said Rabbi Eliezer: "If the law is as I say, then may the walls of the house of study prove it!" The walls began to fall in. Rabbi Joshua rebuked them. "If Torah scholars are debating a point of Jewish law, what are your qualifications to intervene...?"

Said the fox to the fiishes: “Why don’t you come out onto the dry land? We’ll live together, as my ancestors lived with your ancestors . . .”

Seeing a man ploughing and sowing, they exclaimed: "They forsake eternal life and engage in temporal life!" Whatever they cast their eyes upon was immediately incinerated

Turnus Rufus asked Rabbi Akiva: “If your G-d loves the poor, why doesn’t He feed them?”

"Give with an open hand," Rabbi Shimon adjured. "Don't worry about tomorrow, G-d will provide. And most important: write it all down. Every penny you give, write it down and carry the list with you at all times..."

The fox could see what luscious grapes grew in the vineyard, but the hole in the fence was too small for him. So he fasted for three days until he became thin enough to slip through . . .

“On the day your daughter enters the bridal chamber,” the astrologers said to Rabbi Akiva, “a snake will bite her and she will die.”

Just as they had celebrated their marriage with joy, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai told the couple, so should their divorce be celebrated in joy.

Once there was a king who had a beautiful orchard with splendid figs. He appointed two watchmen for his orchard: one watchman was lame, and the other one was blind . . .

When they reached the Temple Mount, they saw a fox emerging from the place of the Holy of Holies. The others started weeping; Rabbi Akiva laughed...

“Master of the Universe!” prayed Choni. “Your children turned to me because I am like a member of Your household. I swear by Your great name that I’m not budging from here until You have compassion on Your children!”

"What is hateful to you," said Hillel, "do not do to your neighbor. That is the entire Torah..."

There was once a Jew who owned a cow with which he plowed his field. Then it came to pass that he sold his cow to a non-Jew...

"Go to the craftsman who made me," said the man, "and say to him: How ugly is the vessel which you have made!"

She took a thousand slaves and a thousand slave-girls, lined them up in two rows, and announced: "You marry him, and you marry her."

Caesar said to Rabban Gamliel: “Your G‑d is a thief, as it is written, ‘And G‑d caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man . . . and He took one of his sides . . .’” Said Caesar’s daughter, “Allow me to reply.”

It happened this way: A certain man had a friend named Kamtza and an enemy called Bar Kamtza. He once made a party and said to his servant, “Go and bring Kamtza” . . .

Shmuel and Avlet, a Persian astrologer, were sitting together watching people go to the pond to cut reeds...

There was a man who fed his father fat, juicy chickens. One day, his father asked him, “My son, where do you get these?”

They were taken to the attic of Rav Amram the pious, and the ladder was taken away so that no men could climb up to bother them.

The couple’s children had been playing in the dirt of their yard, where they found enough money to support their family for six years, so they called their mother.

What should I buy for you today?” “Some endives, not fresh. Leftovers from yesterday. If they’re wilted they’ll be cheap.”

Her husband had said, “I swear that you will not enter my house until you spit in the rabbi's face.”

Rebbi and Rabbi Chiya were walking together. When they came to a town, they said, “If there’s a Torah scholar living here, let’s go visit him and pay him honor.”

Tinneius Rufus, the Roman ambassador to Judea at the beginning of the second century, asked Rabbi Akiva, “Why does G‑d hate us?"

"Old man! Old man! Are you drunk? Are you rich from lending money on interest? Or are you a swine farmer?”

It’s like a man who has two wives, one old and one young . . .

He left the city and went to pray in a cave. Soon he saw a hand stretch out and offer him a pearl.

“You will plant and won’t harvest; you will bring in and won’t bring out; you will bring out and won’t bring in . . .”

Every day Rabbi Samuel heard the royal heralds promising reward to the finder and death to the keeper…